Soul Highway

We could start with respect

I don’t like drawing comparisons between the land where I come from and my adopted country but sometimes doing so is inescapable. First off, a caveat: I love my country in spite of the madness going on in those islands. I know a lot of times we drive our country to the gutter, but I take a lot of pride in our beautiful land (sun, seas and sights – what more could you ask?), unique culture (at least the positive ones) and traditions (yes, even the wizardry and witchcraft in Siquijor). This is oft repeated but it really holds true – there is no place like home. The many times I complain about how we can’t seem to elevate ourselves and keep up with our neighbors stems from the hope that one day we will no longer be the basket case of Asia, economically, politically and socially. How do we achieve that? We could start with reforming the way we conduct ourselves when doing business with other people in our everyday lives. Take for instance, the post office.

I hate the post office. Hate is such a strong word but I couldn’t stress enough how I abhor going to the post office and dealing with arrogant and dishonest employees. However, being in a long distance love affair means frequent trips to the post office and so my relationship with them was borne out of necessity. Postal office workers, who by the way get to eat because of our taxes, seem to have this twisted idea that we have to beg for good service. Where do they get off scolding people because they put the stamp on the wrong side of the envelope, or couldn’t get the right zip code? Oh, if you are dressed shabbily, don’t expect to be treated with an iota of respect. There were quite a few times that I came close to storming into their office and wringing the neck of one female postal worker who seemed to be on an extended menopausal crankiness and took pleasure at insulting customers. It didn’t make sense that customers were terrified of these government employees. And have you heard of any country in the world whose postal office would customarily turn away customers because they didn’t have enough spare change? Call me evil but I have fantasized about a humiliated customer going on a Tarantino-esque killing rampage at the post office to make a point. Ah, redemption for the masses.

In those times I had to mail a package to the husband, I was not at the receiving end of insults or shouting. What I did notice was the non-verbal snobbishness. They would take a look at the very obvious foreign addressee, stare back at me and I swear I could almost see a thought balloon going up above their heads saying, “Hmp! Mail order bride!” One employee even had the gall to ask me what I did for a living. When I started talking to them in English, they almost instantly switched back to being professional and amiable, in a phony way. Diputa! (Yes, that was a cuss word.)

I am now in the US and every day I notice a lot of things that I could only hope we could replicate in the Philippines. This is not to say that everything in America is perfect for they have their own share of flaws. However, out here they seem to put a lot of emphasis on good customer service. And so considering my experience with post offices in the Philippines, I was elated with the kind of service I got when I went to mail a package for the mother-in-law about three days ago. As soon as I walked in, there was this one employee who briefed me on my options toward a more expeditious way to get my business done. He was there to assist me from weighing the package, to finding the right zip code after I discovered I was missing one digit, to labeling the box. He was courteous and patient throughout the process. I was, to put it simply, very impressed. In reality, how hard is it really to be polite and helpful to people, especially if you are in the service industry? I realize not all of us love the jobs that we have but, you know what, if you are paid to do something, you might as well put your best foot forward.

I have had my fair share of run-ins with people who look down on those who they think don’t deserve their respect. I believe this kind of attitude should not be tolerated. In 2005, my grandfather became gravely ill and stayed in the ICU for a few days. On the day he was scheduled to be moved to another room, my mother kept on following up on the availability of a semi-private room. When she came back, she was red in the face and on the verge of tears. Turned out a member of the hospital staff had yelled at her and told her to move my grandfather to a public hospital if we couldn’t wait. In a matter of minutes I filed a strongly-worded complaint with the hospital administrator and had that uncouth and inconsiderate personnel suspended for three days. I discovered later that my mother was not her first “victim.” That person had cemented quite a reputation of insulting people around the hospital and getting away with it. Well then, she picked the wrong party this time.

It's not the president, dummy!

It never gets boring in the Philippines as far as politics go. What's the latest, you ask? President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo's critics are calling for a snap election to "re-establish democracy." In one word - bullshit. This best exemplifies why our country is going nowhere. All that we have mastered over the years is up our game on dirty politics, elect the wrong people to office, and then spark revolutions here and there in the name of democracy.

It is rather ludicrous for our politicians to think that all we need are band-aid fixes. Arroyo is not one of my favorite people and I'm quite convinced that she cheated in the last election. However, Arroyo did not ruin democracy for us. We did. We have allowed ourselves to sink into ignominy. We have set ourselves up for a slow and steady self-destruction. We have become accepting of corruption as a culture, dishonest politicians, and substandard public service. This is a nightmare of our own making.

Kicking the president and vice president out of office will not make the cancer in our society go away. And with Arroyo gone, then what? I found it rather arrogant for those petitioning the snap election to say that they were doing it to "awaken the people." Oh please, enough with this save-the-masses crap. If we need any saving from, it is this motley crue of power hungry, self-righteous fools.

Conrado, what are you doing with this group? You disappoint me. And Serge, you will go down in my memory as that one senator with nice feet.

Can't we all just get along?

I think the more appropriate question would be, can we just mind our own business? I received a 900-word email today from a new Filipina acquaintance giving me a heads-up on the ongoing war between her and another Filipina. I'm not sure if I should be appreciative of being kept in the loop over a girl fight. What I do know is that I don't wish to be caught in the middle of it. All this backstabbing and rumor-mongering is so...juvenile. And frankly, I'm too old for stuff like this.

Women tend to complicate little things. I used to get weird looks from people whenever I let it be known that I prefer to work in a maled-dominated newsroom. I'm telling you, too many women in one space equals too much estrogen, equals too much bitchiness. I remember one time two female reporters were planning a lunch date one minute, and then baring their claws the next over some deleted files. Arguments escalate into a nasty, petty long-drawn word war that makes no sense. See, men are better off in this aspect. They slug it out, lick their wounds and they're done.

I don't know how or when this "tension" in the group will end. I passed on to both parties a nugget of wisdom I picked up from the husband - If you have anything to say to someone, ask yourself first: Is it necessary? Hopefully, they will be able to patch things up and at least stay cordial.

A year of firsts

The husband and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary on Saturday, Nov. 3. It's hard to believe 12 months have passed, but the good thing is we came out of the first year not poking each other's eyeballs out. I am also happy to report that, thus far, no dishes have been broken. Haha! Saturday was nothing short of amazing. I don't know how much planning was involved or how many people he enlisted to pull off the surprise, but we had a marvelous time. The son was a co-conspirator no less.

The only information I had was that we were going out to dinner. "We're going to Olive Garden tonight but we'll stop by Sonic first to stuff ourself with junk food," he said. I was a little baffled as well when the husband refused to open his gift saying he didn't have my gift ready yet. "Let's have our anniversary on Tuesday instead," he suggested. By the time I was done getting dressed, Re'Sean had disappeared and the husband offered no explanation as to his whereabouts. I didn't notice that the husband's gift went missing as well.

The first surprise was dinner for two at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, a fancy restaurant that offered a beautiful view of Arlington, and partly of DC, at night. I was grinning from ear to ear and, well, giddy like teenager on a first date. The husband feasted on Cowboy Ribeye that cut like butter (yummy!) and I had lamb chops for the first time, on top of sauteed mushrooms and calamari served with white wine. The food was superb and the conversation was sweet. It was perfect!

Before dessert was served the waiter came by and placed a couple of gift bags on the table. It took me a few seconds to recognized the gift I was insisting for the husband to open that afternoon. And so the rest of the husband's plan unraveled - he wanted us to exchange gifts during dinner. And a good friend of the husband at work, along with her son, had taken Re'Sean to the movies so the husband and I could have a one-on-one time. We wrapped up the evening with cheesecake and ice cream. When I asked the husband who helped him put things together, his only reply was, "I got people."

With that said, I have people to thank:
Venus, for looking after Re'Sean and helping the husband bring out the biggest smile on my face; Rose and Phillip for the best cheesecake that the husband is a little unwilling to share a few slices with us; and Rebecca for the wonderful anniversary gifts that promptly went up on display. Special thanks to Re'Sean for being a real good conniver.

Our resolutions for the second year? I will keep up with my threats of skinning him alive. Just a few hours ago he said I will be reduced to 12 broken pieces by 2012, or that I will be shipped home in boxes. Looks like there's a lot in store for us!

I forgot to bring the camera to dinner and so here I am in my lamb
chops-stuffed glory, trying my darnedest to comply with Re'Sean's - aka
the photographer - instruction for me to "work it, work it."

My anniversary card that recalled a lot of violence, and his that
promises less overtime at work. Hah! Plus, my Santa delivered early
the Ugg boots I was wishing for Christmas!

And this is the letter I wrote for the husband and intended for him to read first thing in the morning, except that he woke up first. Drat! Anyway, hubby dear, this is for you:

Wow, we survived our first year. And what a year it’s been. You survived my cooking (if we can call it that), my mood swings (PMS-related or otherwise), my obsession with keeping things in order, my incessant chatting at night when you’re in desperate need of sleep, the inexplicable bursts of anger and other emotional drama that came with adjusting to married life, the few times I doubted you, my frustrations, disappointments and boredom. The first six months was a hell of a ride.

Someone did warn me that marriage takes a lot of work. I just didn’t know it was going to take this amount of work, and we’re only starting. I learned that there are going to be emotional letdowns along the way. I learned that some expectations will not be met. I learned that we will cut each other with words that we’ll eventually regret and apologize for. I learned that sometimes the word sorry is all that we need to say.

I learned that you’re not perfect. I learned that it is easy to find fault and point out your shortcomings if I wanted to. However, I also learned that it is easier to forgive and to look at your strengths, the little things that you do and the surprises that you pull to make me feel like I’m the center of your world. I have learned to pick my battles and to respect your space and distance. I realized our imperfections could not outweigh our commonalities.

I realized that not every day will be perfect. I realized that on a busy day the conversation will be reduced to unceremonious “how-are-yous” and “I-love-yous.” I have learned not begrudge you when you barely have time to spare. I realized that marriage requires so much more than love, and that it is okay to stretch my patience further than I thought I could. I realized it is not too hard to accept that sometimes I am wrong. I have learned to tone down my pride. I know for certain that it has taken you just as much patience to put up with my idiosyncrasies the last 12 months.

Marriage, they say, brings out a lot of surprises – good or bad – between two people. I was surprised to learn that I find fulfillment in doing things for you – just because. I’m surprised that I have the tolerance to pick up your shoes that can’t seem to find their way to the closet, or to clean up the gazillion of hairs you leave all over the bathroom floor after shaving, your snoring (heck, now I find it hard to sleep without it) or your unshakeable habit of keeping the tv on. I am surprised at how I truly enjoy being a wife, even if that means having to follow two steps behind you sometimes. I take a lot of pride in who you are and what you do. It is something that I always knew I’d need from my man. I am strong by myself but I also need an anchor.

Thank you for being the man that you are. We’ve had our ups and downs but not once did I regret being married to you. The best part of my day is waking up with you and knowing I’m where I need to be. Happy anniversary, mahal!

Happy gluttony!

The Halloween photos are finally here! Procastination once again kicked in, and so I wasn't able to post the pictures sooner. Halloween, although not as weird, fun and crazy as All Souls Day in the Philippines, turned out great. We brought the husband's mini-me (who decided to be a ninja this year) to the mall where we went trick or treating with his bestfriend and his family. The mall was actually a disappointment - not a lot of stores were giving out candies. There was not enough loot to share around! Dinner was a treat, however. We went to Famous Daves and literally pigged out. Oh yeah, give me baby back ribs anytime! By the time we got home, we were as exhausted as can be and crashed in no time.

Our newly trained samurai prepares to go to war.

Re'Sean battles with bestfriend DJ, but dad delivers the coup de grace.