November 30, 2003

I think I know the truth, don't I?

It's funny how situations can change. I didn't know it was possible for me to be like this. But I have found out I am a little paranoid. I can almost pick out specific events that have brought me to this point. People, age, and money all have contributed. Of course, those things are all obvious contributors to stress in normal every day life. But, I can honestly name the specific instances which have brought me to where I am today. I have to admit I am an easily placated paranoid person. Once I have seen the true side of something and have determined it is good, I leave it alone. Easy, huh? I hope my paranoid state isn't permanent. I am amazed at how I seem to have great insight and perspective. I am sure this is how it all starts out. Then after awhile you start heading off the deep end. One thing I have noticed is the really small things, the things that don't matter. At least they shouldn't. I often ask myself why I even picked up on things that normally I feel are so under the radar. It is almost surreal. No, it is surreal. Now that I am writing this, I am feeling that I don't like this feeling. I just want my questions answered truthfully once and for all. I'm not even all that concerned about the target of my paranoid state, I just want there to be a level of respect met when the issues are brought up. Damn the issues. I just want the truth. Why is my head filled with all these questions? Why??? I think I know, but may the truth be told... I think I will leave this for the time being.